Hi Lincoln, I like how at the start you have used alliteration like a sneaky snake spying. I thought that it was very clever. I also like how at the end you have explained all the animals your black box is made out of. The last sentence reminded me of when I’ve been on the beach with yellow sand and a nice blue ocean. There were only two things I didn't get, one is when you said, “My box is made of a rocket launcher” but then you said, “my box is made of cow, pig, wolf, etc.” The second one was when you said, “I will swim in my box” and then you said, “I will swim in a sea with a yellow beach.” I didn't really get that, so maybe next time you could fix that up.
Hi its Lincoln R from Karoro School and thank you Miko for putting up a kind positive and helpful comment on my magic box poem and by the way you know how I said (I will swim in the sea with a yellow beach) I meant there was a yellow beach in my box.
Hi Lincoln,
ReplyDeleteI like how at the start you have used alliteration like a sneaky snake spying. I thought that it was very clever. I also like how at the end you have explained all the animals your black box is made out of. The last sentence reminded me of when I’ve been on the beach with yellow sand and a nice blue ocean. There were only two things I didn't get, one is when you said, “My box is made of a rocket launcher” but then you said, “my box is made of cow, pig, wolf, etc.” The second one was when you said, “I will swim in my box” and then you said, “I will swim in a sea with a yellow beach.” I didn't really get that, so maybe next time you could fix that up.
Hi its Lincoln R from Karoro School and thank you Miko for putting up a kind positive and helpful comment on my magic box poem and by the way you know how I said (I will swim in the sea with a yellow beach) I meant there was a yellow beach in my box.
DeleteHi Summer, Lincoln R here from Karoro School. Thank you for reading my magic box poem.
ReplyDelete